


skype friendfics

by xXxcrustyxXx (orphan_account)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, F/M, Friendfiction, bad grammar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 12:35:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6470182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/xXxcrustyxXx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“THIS IS A FRIEND FICTION DONT LIKE DONT READ!!!!!!!!!1!!!!”  (do you ever reach a point where you realize that you are the worst. this is it)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. King's Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for @elisehiime

 "oh my" said carly!! “i’m going to be late for my first day of school transferring to the oaba johsai”!!!!!

she grabbed a toast in her moath like all the anime girls and ran out the door

all of sudden she crashed!!!! bang!!! into something hard like a brick wall

but oh no it wasn’t awall!!!it was the eight pack of the super hunky OIKAWAW TOORRU

but carly-chan didn’t know who this handsome man was

“ano” she whispered shyly

“gomen”

“yahoo~~~ said that very bishounen ikemen

are you lost little lady

* * *

(ooc: ioikawa is so hard to write im sorry if he is out of character!! i want him and carly to be in love alreadyU(*U(*@R

AUTHOR"S NOTE_ mia told me to write my (ooc  
s like this  
so ill do that form now on!!!!  
now back to the story ~~~~

* * *

oikawa smiled his brilliant smile at arly

like a spotlight because he is a giant yaoi main

* * *

but not here his a HETERO so they can be in love!!! (author’s note)

* * *

carly stuttered as she got back up to her feet

"y-yes i’m a little lost do you know where sijoh high school is ?”

 "oh my~~~~ that’s where i go how about i woke you over there

he brushes sakura petals tenderly out of carly’s hair

* * *

bc it’s spring and spring is when the japenese school year starts (author’s note)

* * *

he engulfs heer tin y hand in his giant yaoi hand and tenderly walks her to school

but carly is still eating her ucking bread

so she chokes

oh no!!!!!!!

oikawa has to give MOUTH TO MOUTH RESUSUCISITAITON

but wait carly was only pretending for that hot oikawaw as action!!!!

there tongues battle for dominance

* * *

(credit to mia for that beautiful line!!!!!!0

* * *

and then……

i am very tired so i will update this chapter next week likes and reiews keep me motivated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 


	2. Blocked and Unfollowed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for @priincetakumi

 —- sar’s pov —-  
  


after a long, tiring day at work where i work as the world’s most fabulous beautiful and overpaid model i sat down at my laptop and opened up tunblr

* * *

if you don’t know what tumblr is it’s the greatest site ever!!!!!!! follow me @misakihanas (authors note)

* * *

write abouve the little white envelope that sat on the wide blue expanse like a powerlar bear drowning in the middle of the ocean

was a red flag of defeat significying a single cry for assistitance

“i will save u from ur sins” i cried as i opened the note

it was…. an anon!!!! message

> “hello sar u don’t know me but i think u r very beautiful and pretty can u bplese check out my blog”

* * *

(authors note) i love anons!!!!

* * *

i laughed the laugh of a beauteous and ethereal angel

> silly anon!!! i cant check out ur blog  
> if ur aanon ononnysymous

i clicked the publish button with a perfectly manicured nail

as i scrolled down my dashboard which was full of pictures of other beautiful people and anime!!

bc just because i like anime doesn’t mean that im ugly or have no friends and will never have a boyfriend

my favorite anime is hunty x hunty i love studio jibbly’s shows!!!!!

as i reblogged a gifset of killua sudeenly a n INSTANT MESSAGE popped up on my dash!!!

* * *

(authors note) i love ims!!!!

* * *

suddenly…..

* * *

——— daichi’s pov ———

i sexily bit my lip in a sultry manner as i pressed my sturdy volleyball captain hands to the keboard

 i squinted hard at my laptop screen

i had to impress this ridiculously stunning canadian

* * *

(authors note) lol wheres canada

* * *

since i’m very smart and in a college prep class

i carefully considered how to woo my boo

which careful deliberation i pressed three keys on my keyboard

>  :^P

* * *

—–sar’s pov——

suddenly……..

an im popped up from @vball5eah  
evah  
fuck

> :^P

i gasped loudly!!!

who is this mr vball5evah and how dARE he stick his tongue out at me

i deployed my 9 perfectly manicured nails (a/n one is chipping xD) andquickly typed my response

* * *

—daichi’s pov ——

as i brooded in an attractive manner i saw a reply pop up on my screen

my eyes lit up as only the light of my life could

> fRIST of all how DRAE  yu ooY=  
> i am an INTERNEIOTNAL superstar and i waont stand to be inUSTLed in such amamner

quickly backpdedaling i frantically tiped my response

> sar-sama im not trying to insult u!!!

* * *

[9:31:30 PM] mia: i cant tell if christas intentionally typing bad or if its just her

* * *

> this is a declartiotn fo my eternal deviotion to you!!!!  
> sar-saa…. I LOVE YOUUU

* * *

(i typed out the u to emphaseize how IN LOE he is)  
authors note

* * *

my brown orbs glistened with sparkling tears as i awaited the response from my eternal idol

* * *

—-sar’s pov ——-

> “sar-saa…. i LOVE YOU”

my screen read

i gazed consdiereingly at the screen for a moment

who is this strange man, and why does he lov eme?

* * *

[9:33:48 PM] sar: idk if i should laugh or cry bc i literally used to write fics like this

* * *

well the second is obviously because i’m the Best

after a few more omments of consideration

i gave the only response i could

> send pics

* * *

—-daichis’ pov—–

daichi held  
I held  
my apple iPhone 6s high above my perfectly chiseled jaw

i smoldered into the single eye of steve jobs legacy

as i protruded my lips seductively and flexed in an inobtrrusivbe manner

after inspecting my 10/10 selfies

i quickly logged out of tumblr and into myspace

and changed my profile picture

but these pictures weren’t good enough for sar-sama

oh no

only 420/10 selfies are worthy of sar-sama

i looked at my iPhone and decided there was only one way to win sar-sama’s heart in one fell swoop

* * *

–sar’s v[pe—

it’s been over one hour!!!!

sho does this guy think he is making me wait?????!?!?

at long last a notification popped up

inside was a photo of what i really wanted to see

his dog

* * *

—–epilogue———  
despite the whatever like 15 hour time difference or w/ever their relationship beautillly blossomed and they got married at the tender age of 22 and adopted three thousand dogs

 


	3. Solve for Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for @ohoboku

you’ve been waiting for your whole life for this moment

the day which you make the decision which will affect your entire life

“what high school club should I join?”

you stand around unsure as various representivaes clamor for your attention

as you look around you notice a rather handsome boy standing uncertainly near a wall

“ano…. ohio goaeye mas”  
“watashi wa jo I was wondering if u knew which way the academics clubs are?”

the beautiful specimen of a man quirks his perfectly manicured eyebrow as his green orbs meet yours

 you bite your lip unsecrtainly and glance away quickly

how could you possibly maintain eye contact whith those dreamy eyes the color of fresh pickled toads?

he opens his mouth to reveal a voice that is as sensuous and smooth as dark melted chocolate

“i’m sorry but i’m a new student here at the fukurodani academy as well”  
“perhaps we can look together?”

you blush furiously at the thought of remaining in his godly presnce

“-uuhh okay” you stutter out as he graces you with a smile that would reduce angles to tears

he lightly grasps your sleeve at the elbow and

* * *

OMGG I HAD TO STOP WRITING BC I WAS SO EXCITED FOR THISHIT PART!!!!  
(authors notes)

* * *

pulls you close to his hard muscled bodye

he whispers into ur auricles

“stay close to me i’ll keep you safe”

fucking shoujo sparkles and sakura petals and shit float through the inexplicably open windows

his ikemen aura is too strong for you and u faint away in his strong biceps like the tender maiden u are

* * *

  
huh?

where are you and why are you in a bed?

a light breeze ruffles the rooms white curtains as ur eyelashes flutter open

have you… died?

you feel a thumb stroke a cross the back of your hand as you startle

you turn your head and your suspicians or corfiemd

THERE IS AN ANGLE  
no wait its the hot guy from earlier  
lmao ur a stupid hoe lol

* * *

(authors note) was that too rude??? if so DONT LIKE DONT READ!!!!!!

  
the angle opens his mouth

“u ok fam”

ur eyes water with tears

“….. what are we?”

the dark-haired boy turns his head towards the open window

he inclines his head in a contemplative manner

“idk bro”

you cant stop the tears from flowing as you hear a distant melody floating thorugh the window

the patter of the raindrops commingles with the sound of the brass badnd pratciting

with the collected works of Kanye west playing in the background, you grit your teeth and turn to the boy

“lmfao I don’t even kno ur ucking name”

he startles, clearly surprised that you realized that he enever addressed u

u can see your tears reflected in his glistening green orbs

“i’m….”

* * *

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER LIKES AN REVIEWS KEEP ME MOTIVATED

 


	4. Speak Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for @yaegami

It was the day that tosh had been waiting for their whole lofe

They wiped their hands on their pants as they steeled themself

Rerehearsing the lines they meant to say

“Ts-ts-tsujishima-kun!!!!”  
“daisuki”

The megane inclined his head towards them

A smirk graced his lips

“Me 2 thanks”

As he clutched their hand tenderly, he sunk down onto one knee

“tosh-chan Will U Do The Honor Of wifing Me up”

Tosh was mildly disappointed bc Damm they spent the money on this ring for no reason

They took the rngagement ring out of their pocket and threw it at tsukki

And snatched up his

“Of course I will b-baka!”

* * *

^~^ time skip ^~^

Now was yet another day that tosh had been waiting for their entire life

As they walked up the aisle they looked deep into tsukki’s orbs as he subtly adjusted his tuxrdko

The officiant smiled at the happy couple and asked them to recite their cows

“Tsukishima-kun -no. Kei-chan.”  
“I have died every day waiting for you.”  
“Each day I cant wait to come home to someone who isn’t a goddamn midget  
I love everything about you. Your hair, your eyes, and ur voice when u tell someone to shut the fuck up”  
I’ll love u til death do we part kei

The audience cried at toss beautiful speech

The officiant turned with tears in his eyes to tsukki

Tsukki turned tenderly to tosh and smiled gently at them with a sappy look of love on his eyes

Tsukki expression softened as he began his vows

“U aight man”

The officiant raised his hands to the crowd

Speak now or forever hold it peace

Suddenly from behind tsukki I cry could be heard

“Tosh u snake u stole my man”

It was yanagucci

Tsukki turned to yanaguchi I love u 2 my man but I can only legally marry one person

Yams said okay that’s fair man

Tsukki and tosh kissed as bells rang in the distance

Owari

(taht means end in Japanese uwu ) authors note

 


	5. Bee Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for @shiegeo

thi sis my first nsfw fic so im srorry if it soudns weird im a virign haha

{authors note)

eileene lokeed at the boy hodlign her hand

she had to lok away

bc he was to obeuatyfil

his name was akaahis keisji

and his eyes were w asg green as fresh pickled taods

so was shis sin

****skin

bc he was keiejip ieepe

keijipepe

"eileeen-sama" said akaashi

"ily bae"

eileen swooned into his earms

he cauhgt her

"akasshi-san why are terere three hadns touhicng me"

"thats not my hand"

it was hsi sthicc dicc

eileen looked up into his glimemreing orbs

"can i succ"

(´・ω・`) said sakaashi

she yanked off his vollebyall short bc we know that everyg insgle charater in haikyuu only wears their unfiorm at al ltimes

there was no dicc

it was barry b benosns

"i ant succ that keiji"

"not with that attittude"

there was no succ

 


End file.
